Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

George Carlin

#funny #america #ticket

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

George Carlin

#funny #stuff #house

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.

George Carlin

#people #thinking #opinion

Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything.

George Carlin

#question #teach #read #children

We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.

George Carlin

#life #love #hate #values

Related Quotes

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

#want #done #funny #leadership

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Dalai Lama

#motivation #difference #funny #mosquito

Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!

Jeffrey Gitomer

#change #funny #reaction

My mind is made up. Don’t confuse me with the facts.

Roy S. Durstine

#mind #funny #fact #confuse

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

Terry Pratchett

#person #funny #old #young

I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Oscar Wilde

#funny #heaven #friends

You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.

Anonymous

#funny #science #physics

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Stephen Hawking

#life #funny #tragic

Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das not good.

Anonymous

#good #funny #stupid #sad

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!

Albert Einstein

#human #funny #stupid

Home Challenge About Quotes Login Signup

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

More George Carlin Quotes

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything.

We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.

Related Quotes

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!

My mind is made up. Don’t confuse me with the facts.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das not good.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!