One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

#funny #drinking #tequila

More George Carlin Quotes

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

#funny #idiot #maniac #driving

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

#yesterday #procrastination #lazy

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

#funny #america #ticket

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

#funny #stuff #house

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.

#people #thinking #opinion

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

#funny #peace #virginity

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

#cynical #idealist #disappointment

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

#hear #music #dance #perspective

Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything.

#question #teach #read #children

We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.

#life #love #hate #values

Related Quotes

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

#want #done #funny #leadership

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

#motivation #difference #funny #mosquito

Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!

Jeffrey Gitomer

#change #funny #reaction

My mind is made up. Don’t confuse me with the facts.

Roy S. Durstine

#mind #funny #fact #confuse

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

Terry Pratchett

#person #funny #old #young

I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

#funny #heaven #friends

You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.

#funny #science #physics

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Stephen Hawking

#life #funny #tragic

Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das not good.

#good #funny #stupid #sad

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!

Albert Einstein

#human #funny #stupid

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